Thank you for your curiosity about somatic sex education. Somatic sex education provides increased access to healthy sexual pleasure and sexual healing.
Somatic sex education is a developing specialization in the larger field of sex education. Somatic means ‘of the body’. Somatic sex education supports clients to strengthen their somatic (body) awareness, body-based wisdom and embodied ethics about sexuality matters in their life.
Somatic Awareness
In sessions, clients learn to become more sensate focused and attuned to their bodies sense of inner knowing. They learn to make informed decisions by paying attention to somatic (body-based) signals, such as a gut feeling, that acts as a reliable compass for guidance in their life. Increased somatic awareness regarding sexuality can:
- increase sexual pleasure
- heal sexual trauma
- ease sexual dysfunction
- discern healthy and respectful sexual behaviours
- support sexual autonomy
Talk and Touch Choices
The practice of somatic sex education involves sex and intimacy coaching and guidance in somatic exercises using a talk-based or a touch-based approach, or both. Clients choose which approach best suits their personal comfort level, learning zone and cultural considerations.
The touch-based approach further develops the client’s sensate focus, body wisdom and felt-sense of deep learning at the somatic, tissue and cellular, level. Somatic exercises involving bodywork in sessions supports integration of deep learning about pleasure and healing and about directing touch to experience more pleasure and healing.
Both talk-based and touch-based approaches to somatic sex education are valuable. Both approaches offer teachings about:
- Increased access to somatic awareness, sexual pleasure, and sexual healing
- Authentic connection to erotic self-autonomy
- Healthy agreements and communication with intimate partners
It is the talk-based approach combined with the touch-based approach of somatic sex education that makes it a unique modality and sets it apart from other standard approaches to sex education.
Sexual Autonomy
It is also the concept of ‘choice and voice’ that makes somatic sex education a unique modality. ‘Choice’ involves asking clients to take the time to consult with their body wisdom to discern the precise touch they really want. ‘Voice’ involves supporting clients to speak up and give voice to their precise desire for touch.
The regular practice of guiding clients with ‘choice and voice’ exercises supports them to be in control of their own sex life and establish sexual autonomy. Clients are no longer dependent on others for their sexual pleasure. They learn how to ask for and receive sexual pleasure on their own terms.
The Science of Sexual Happiness
Somatic sex education practice is rooted in science. The brain is retrained to orient to pleasure and healing by the practices of somatic sex education through the neuroscience known as neuroplasticity. Neuroplasticity is the adaptability of the brain to effect permanent changes to neurochemistry and neuropathways when exposed to new elements or repeated experiences that differ from previous ones.
Both talk-based and touch-based approaches support neuroplasticity and can establish new pathways and altered neurochemical releases in the brain to become more pleasure and healing orientated. Repeated experiences of receiving pleasurable and loving touch in a safe environment is the fast-track way to mobilize neuroplasticity. Somatic sex education offers this fast-track-to-pleasure opportunity through the practice of safe and loving wanted touch.
The brain once re-oriented to pleasure and healing will navigate naturally to more pleasure and healing on an automatic basis. Pleasure is healing. Pleasure begets more pleasure. And pleasure also begets more healing; healing from sexual shame, repression and trauma impacting many in today’s world.
Learning to orient to pleasure and following pleasure in everyday life is a life-changing experience. The field of somatic sex education has the theories, practices, and trained practitioners in place to offer our clients a pathway to sexual transformation and sexual happiness.
Common Somatic Exercises
Some of the most common somatic exercises or inquiries guided by practitioners in somatic sex education sessions include:
Clearing Objections Exercises: this is a discernment exercise for clients to name, discuss and somatically feel into the differences, power imbalances or other encumbrances with potential intimate partners. The exercise teaches clients to form an internalized code of embodied ethics that acts as a guiding compass to discern healthy sexual behaviors and relationships and prevent sexual abuse, exploitation, and trauma.
Mindfulness Exercises: are a series of inquiries guiding the client to be present in their own body, in their current physical environment and in the company of beloved intimate partners. It guides them to notice the sights, sounds and smells that surround them. This exercise supports increased somatic awareness and sexual pleasure.
Waking Up the Hands: this is a somatic exercise created by Dr. Betty Martin where clients are guided to notice the sensations in their hands as they touch themselves and objects. It increases touch sensitivity, and it improves the quality of touch when receiving and giving it. Many attest to it being a pivotal and transformative exercise to increase sexual pleasure and intimacy in their life that lasts a lifetime.
The Three Minute Game: this is also a Dr. Betty Martin somatic exercise that is foundational to somatic sex education practice. Clients choose where they would like to be touched for three minutes and ask for the precise touch they want to receive. The three-minute choice and voice exercise is repeated for a pre-negotiated amount of time. Access to increased sexual pleasure and sexual autonomy is the outcome of this exercise.
Nourishing Massage: this involves devoting a significant amount of time for engagement with the practitioner at the beginning of the session and then easing into a process of receiving slow and gentle touch for the bodywork portion of the session. The massage strokes support relaxation, self-nurturance and human connection. It’s a good somatic exercise for those feeling nervous, lonely or depressed. It’s also a good introductory exercise for those new to somatic sex eduction. It supports the feeling of trust with the practitioner and safety with the modality.
Bossy Massage: this is a Dr. Betty Martin somatic empowerment exercise where the client directs the practitioners touch for an entire body massage, usually for an extended period of time such as for one hour. It gives the client practice in identifying where they want to be touched, how they want to be touched and determining the duration for each form of touch. This exercise is a confidence builder for clients to learn how to self-direct and experience sexual autonomy. It allows the time for clients to follow their pleasure into realms of erotic trance, expanded sexual pleasure and/or sexual healing.
Pleasure Mapping Exercises: this is a somatic exercise where different areas of the client’s body are touched with their prior consent, and where the client is then guided to tune into and rate their pleasure response for each area. The purpose of this exercise is to assist clients to learn more about their erogenous zones and increase their access to sexual pleasure.
Mindful Erotic Practice Exercises: this is a sex coaching exercise that guides clients in self-pleasure practices with specific intent to expand pleasure and experience the healing power of their erotic life-force energy. Coaching in use of breath, movement, sound, fragrance, lighting and use of sex toys or other aids are examples of self-pleasuring inquiries that can be explored with this somatic exercise.
Pleasure-Orientated Massage: this somatic exercise, also known as erotic massage, is offered for adult clients upon request. The client-directed touch, that includes erogenous zones, supports clients learning ‘how to’ direct wanted touch and ‘how to’ surrender into erotic trance. It offers a simultaneous pleasure and healing experience, since we believe that ‘pleasure is healing’. And it builds sexual autonomy because all the pleasurable touch is client-directed.
Genital De-Armouring Exercises: these are somatic inquiries to locate areas of the genitals where soothing or pleasurable touch supports release of sexual trauma, shame, or pain.
Scar Tissue Remediation Exercises: these are healing exercises involving touch, holding, massage and application of heat to scar tissue areas of the body. Often castor oil is used to soften and reduce adhesions and pain. The exercise also supports positive body acceptance and image when tender loving touch and loving witness is applied to scarred areas.
Power, Surrender and Intimacy Exercises: this is a session involving play with power dynamics and other aspects of BDSM such as fantasy and fetish inquiries. It is offered to increase sexual pleasure for those whose core erotic theme leans towards kinky play. It also offers learning and healing opportunities in the realm of personal development to improve all areas of one’s life such as recognizing and acting with more intention around situations involving control and fantasy issues. Sessions involving power dynamics and fantasies or fetishes support advanced skill development in negotiating consent, creating a safe environment, building trust with others and exploring new erotic pleasures and expanded erotic adventures.
Leading Edge Practice
Somatic sex education is a leading-edge practice. We bring hope for a more liberated, pleasure-focused, and robust sex life for our clients. Erotic life-force energy is welcomed in and honoured for its power, beauty, and rightful place in life and also in somatic sex education sessions.
As practitioners, we offer loving presence. We offer somatic exercises. We offer wanted touch. We offer safe and ethical practice guidelines. These are the best tools in our toolbox that we offer to clients as a pathway to greater sexual pleasure, sexual healing and sexual happiness.
Just like most other health and wellness modalities, the results of somatic sex education varies from person to person.
As a client of somatic sex education practice, I experienced a personal transformation with respect to my sex life. My comfort level regarding sexuality and being in the presence of erotic energy has been transformed. My access to both sexual pleasure and healing has increased exponentially. As a practitioner, I have been witness to the transformative powers of somatic sex education practice for others as well.
Somatic sex education can not guarantee transformative experiences for everyone. Access to increased healthy sexual pleasure and healing and respectful and consensual relationships in the lives of our clients are the results generally touted by our modality.
For more information about somatic sex education, please note the two books linked below
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